Nicole 

Hi, this is Nicole Farmer here with the Senior Reset podcast. I am filling in for Joel Stewart today. He is out, and I am here with Reverend Brian O. I am not going to try to say his last name: I’ll let him do that. He is an ordained interfaith, non-denominational Christian minister and an ordained chaplain. And I’m going to let him give it to you. A little more about his background to start with.

Brian 

Thanks, Nicole. I have been doing this for 43 1/2 years. I’m a board-certified mental behavior health coach and pastoral counselor. I’m also an emergency response and disaster crisis chaplain. I work with many organizations here in Las Vegas, including Las Vegas Fire Rescue, Metro, FEMA, Homeland Security, and many others. I’m also technically trained Level 1, and I’m also a casualty care field medic, I’m trained in suicide ideation as well as drug addiction, alcoholism, human trafficking, domestic abuse and violence, sexual abuse and violence, and a few other things just to kind of keep me busy.

Nicole 

Is that all you do?

Brian 

That’s all I do, yeah. Plus, I’m also now the chairperson for VOAD, which is a volunteer organization active in disaster relief for the state of Nevada, and they told me the other day that northern and Southern Nevada has emerged. So now I’m just in charge of 33.1 million people. No big deal. I just didn’t get the memo.

Nicole 

Right, right. And I’m going to pause for just a second to let everyone know that I am broadcasting today from Rosewood Terrace.

So, I’m here in Indiana, and this is one of our facilities. I have a few guests that are here with us live that will potentially chime in and ask questions if things come up that they want to discuss a little further with us. So, are you OK with that too?

Brian

Yes, that is fin.

Nicole

OK, perfect. I’ll let you continue. So, you have a wide range of experience in different fields. It sounds like a lot dealing with things like mental health, and I know we kind of talked about let’s focus on the physical side of that first, maybe like how your physical health kind of plays into all of it, and if you want to kind of give some examples of things like that to seniors can do to stay more active, and to feel better.

Brian 

Oh, for sure. There are a lot of things that seniors can do. You’ve got, the YMCA, the YWCA, where they have swimming pool aerobics. That helps, especially if there’s inflammation or they have a lot of problems because water makes you feel almost weightless, so you’re not doing too much. You’re using a lot of muscles, and that way, it takes away the pain. Plus, that’s fun. It also gives them the social ability to meet other people and make friends, especially when they feel a little isolated. So It helps a lot of different things that way. 

There’s also if some of the seniors are not as active or maybe they’re incapable because of a handicap or something, they can do what is called chair yoga, or chair trauma yoga, which in some cases they went ahead and had all of us try. I’m thinking of chair yoga… Really… Where’s the activity in this? You know, I was more exhausted sitting in the chair than I was doing.

Nicole 

Right. 

Brian 

Now we’re dogs and all the rest of them. And so, if that happens, that can help us. Also, you’re with other people, which helps you have a nice little view. Some organizations will walk with you, help you walk around the block, or go on little hikes and whatever. For those that are capable of doing it, but it’s just the fact that they just want to be with somebody, have something that’s…

Nicole 

Kind of like walking clubs.

Brian 

Yeah, yeah, there are a lot of those. Like that and That sounds like a lot of fun.

Nicole 

Yeah, absolutely. And so, when they start to feel a decline in terms of their health, maybe it’s a little more difficult for them to get out and do those things. Is that where maybe we would kind of introduce some physical therapy, whether it be outpatient or whether you go the home care route and maybe have a therapist come in and work with you on those things?

Brian 

Yeah, you could do that. There’s an organization, I think, and I’m not plugging them by any means, but they’re one of many, many others. And I think everyone’s heard of visiting angels. They go, they’re bonded, they have trained personnel, and they help in a lot of different things, such as Alzheimer’s Care companion care, especially since they don’t have any family or friends around dementia. Personal care could be like If someone has limited mobility, a physical disability, or a chronic health condition, they can be there to help them have better activities like, you know, dressing, grooving, and bathing as well as fall prevention and stuff like that. 

But the whole idea is that they work with them on the same side, maybe having them work and understand the social side of things. I mean, a lot of the elderly don’t know; give them it’s like, OK. My mom will want to go and give my grandma a cell phone so we can stay in contact. She’s holding the cell phone like this… I guess. OK, what do I do? And I kind of laughed a little. But because I had my grandmother. I got her an iPad.  And so, she’s over here. She’s like this, talking and yelling at the iPad. Like I said, grandma, you don’t just hold it like this. I’m right here. I mean it. It’s so they don’t understand. 

And so sometimes they need someone to be able to sit there and show them how to use this, and they said that 22% of individuals improved even when they started working on Facebook, and how wonderful that was. And it helps get their minds working and makes them feel like they’re doing something. I mean, that’s a big, big, major, major positive part for them.

Nicole 

And that’s kind of the same concept we offer as a signal to you. I’m the director of Our Indiana office and You know, we do the personal care and the companion care, and then on the skilled side of it, we also do the therapy and the skilled nursing, and our therapist will go in and like therapy maintenance program that’s kind of underutilized, like for those people that live alone and maybe don’t have family members encouraging them. Medicare only allows us to get to a certain point. They’ll cover physical therapy at home 100% of the time. Wow. But they’ll only let us get to a certain point. Once you plateau, they make We get out with the therapy maintenance if you can prove that there’s going to be a decline in everyone’s hell. We can stand a little longer. More like a long-term service and keep them kind of, you know, the goal is to keep them in their home and to keep them where they’re safe, comfortable, and feeling. More like getting out and doing those things. They’re going to keep them healthier.

Brian 

And I agree with that. And to piggyback on that, I’m at the chaplain’s office at the local Las Vegas Signal Health group here. And I’m also the one who created the volunteer program, and that comes in very gratefully because, as you know, a lot of the nurses and people that come in, whether it’s a pilot of care or whatever, the volunteers are trained; of course, there’s DOs and a DON’Ts, but they come in and are like the companions of these individuals. They sit there. And play games with them. They talk with them, and most people don’t understand what this is like. I mean, imagine you and I and how we can just go ahead and run around and do whatever you want when we want to. But we don’t have a car.

Nicole 

Right. 

Brian 

Imagine if you had to sit there now and your car was taken away from you—your independence is taken away, and I have to sit there and wait for someone else to take you. And usually, they take you when they want to, not when you want to.

Nicole 

Yeah, and that’s what I always tell people too. As far as being a part of Signal or home care in general. For me, it’s, especially with hospice, it’s a privilege, and It’s an honor to be able to be a part of this part of their lives, to keep them feeling that way, and to keep them safe. 

And they are kind of at their mercy. So, you have to keep that in mind when dealing with them because we don’t know what that’s like. Daily, you have to depend on someone else, even if it’s something small like cleaning your house yourself. Like things that I complain about daily that they’re not able to do and that we’re able to step in and help them do. Help them age place them with dignity and be there longer.

Brian 

I love that. Yes, that’s perfect.

Nicole 

Yeah, the physical part, as we know, is important. And if they don’t qualify for in-home Care, which Medicare covers 100% and Medicaid has limited coverage for, you know, outpatient care, they can do that as well. That’s typically covered at like 80% with a copay unless you have a supplement. So those are covered, but outside of that, we’ve kind of just, to recap, talked about how they can join up with the YMCA. They can join senior centers that do yoga exercises or chair exercises. You know, the important thing is to stay active and not push yourself beyond the limit of safety. So, it’s kind of good to do those things in groups. With other people watching.

Brian 

Also, I think, in conjunction with yoga, they have reggae, which is wonderful, which is all about power and mind, and also meditation d and medication types of meditation groups where they have essential oils, incense, and the different bowls that they get. I mean, it’s very relaxing; even drumming is wonderful. You would say someone walking around in the room hitting a drum is going to go do something. But, with your eyes closed, it is very soothing, and it helps, as you said. We all need a way to relax and decompress. We need a way to go ahead and feel good about ourselves. And that’s one of the wonderful ways to do it. Plus, again, if you’re out and about with people, they’re going to make more friends. I’m not going to feel so isolated and alone.

Nicole 

Right. And this topic is really important for the families of these individuals who might be listening too because we get so involved in the caregiving aspects that we forget to take care of ourselves. So, this applies across the board to any age group, just like it’s so important to take care of your physical health and to keep your mental health in good shape. 

So, I guess that kind of leads us into the next Are like the resources out there for people that are struggling with mental health issues, and I know you see a lot of that and what you do across the board, you know, all age groups. We talked last week about some of the devastating things you’ve had to witness recently. So, if we can kind of narrow that down a little bit more to how it applies to seniors and what you’re seeing in the work that you’re doing with mental health, struggles that we’re facing.

Brian 

Well, a lot of what’s going on is that a lot of the elderly are living longer than usual, and from the past, there haven’t been too many organizations out there that are … I mean when it comes to physical All the other occupational and speech therapies and all the different things, there’s a lot of it out there, but when it comes to senior mental health, mental health has been a big issue all across our country, especially with COVID. For the longest time, we told people not to be isolated. Don’t be alone; go out and meet people; hug people. Be out there. Then, for two years, don’t. Don’t touch anybody. Don’t look at anyone who stays in your home like the door. And so that caused a lot of problems, especially if people had other issues. 

And so, isolation and feeling alone are stuck inside four walls. It’s difficult for someone to go get it. They feel like they’re all alone. No one wants to be there. So even having visits is the best part. Have someone come in and talk with them again, like organizations like visiting angels. And let them feel like they can have it. They’re important. That’s the whole purpose. 

A lot of us think just because the skin is wrinkled and there’s white hair and all this. There’s still 21-year-olds inside, you know, fighting to get out, to do something, and they just want to feel like they are part of things; they want to feel like they’re important, that they have self-worth. They have a purpose.

And that’s the whole issue, and that’s where a lot of us come in to go at it. Even family or even volunteers, and friends, need someone to come and sit down and talk with them, play games with them, or even sit there and make a cake with them. I mean, that meant so much to us.  

We had an elderly lady on our street who and her husband were excellent. And when they came into the yard, I mean, you would think some major landscaper was there in the yard. I mean, they just heard what her husband did, and they were in their 70s and 80s. Well, fortunately, the husband passed away, and so she was left alone.

So, what she did was that. She had, like, a nice little fence, and she always had beautiful flowers and a flower bed in the front. You always knew what time of year it was because it was beautiful like home and garden were going to be there to take a picture of me. It was always beautiful. Well, she enjoys it because the neighbors walking their dogs stop and talk with her. And that’s exactly how she felt like she was part of things. Diabetes got the best of her. She couldn’t be out there anymore. And that beautiful garden turned into weeds.

And so, we got concerned. We did a welfare check, and she was declining because she felt there was no purpose. No one was around; she couldn’t meet any of the people on the street, so the neighborhood decided to go ahead and pull money together. We bought indoor flower boxes and brought them inside. And so even in her wheelchair, we made sure that we brought her all the mulch and all the stuff that she needed. We created a nice little area for her in one of the rooms, and so when you came over to her home, the outside beauty, was right on the inside, and she made some things too. And so, we all came in.

Five years later she did pass away from normal causes, but she had a wonderful time, and a lot of us don’t look at these little things because it wasn’t the flowers that she enjoyed. It was the emotional connection between her and her husband. Because the flower Just meant her husband was right there with her.

Nicole 

Right. And it’s the emotional connection in the community as well. Like you build that community around you. Not many of us are made to be alone, like you, build that community. That’s like our franchisee in Wisconsin, who opened the first year we franchised. He started with his franchise, volunteering and taking meals to different places and he continues to do it today, 2 1/2 years later, even though He’s so busy. He will still cook the meals himself and sometimes deliver them. 

There was a gentleman who would occasionally not be home, but I was really good about communicating that with him. And one night he didn’t answer his door, and no one knew where he was. So, he got the super and went into the building. And then he saved the man’s life. Like just something that simple that you don’t think about, like bringing him food and not being OK that he didn’t answer the door. Going that step further check on him to make sure he was OK. You don’t know what kind of difference can you make that way.

Brian 

And I always tell people that when it comes to mental illness, we can look at each other. I mean, we all go through struggles, all of us. I don’t care who you are, whatever. But with our culture, if we look at somebody, if they’re bleeding from a cut or if their arms are in a sling or their legs are in a cast, wasn’t there something wrong? OK. But most of us don’t have any of that.

So, we look fine, like you and I we look just fine, but you and I could be suffering inside about something, but no one asked us because we don’t want to get into someone else’s business. We don’t go ahead, and it would be wonderful if we could go ahead and have something… A billboard… Hi, I have schizophrenia; I have bipolar. I’m lonely. I’m afraid. I’m scared. That would be wonderful.

Nicole 

Unfortunately, I wasn’t born with that filter. Like I do ask questions all the time and get into people’s so that’s something I’m working through. But I mean, I am one of those people who kind of wants to know what’s going on underneath the surface a little bit. This is why I love this topic today because I think it Is very important. And I think the physical health part of it is very important, too, for all of us at any age. But I think the mental health part of it is something we don’t talk about enough.

Brian 

A lot of it is, too, especially with seniors as they get older. It’s just like anybody with a very professional job, OK, like first responders or doctors and nurses and all this. You work all of your life, and you have a purpose. OK, there’s a reason for you to get up in the morning because people count on you. Of course. Then when you sit here, oh, I’m going to retire. The first 30 days are utter bliss. It’s wonderful. I don’t have to get up. I don’t have to shower. You don’t shower. You just don’t have that many friends. But you don’t have to do anything. But then, after those 30 days, you sit back on one occasion. Now what? Why do? Why am I here?

So, they have that identity crisis, and they don’t understand, and so a lot of them started losing motivation, getting into depression, and playing George Bailey … It’s a wonderful life… Well, if I wasn’t born, no one would give a crap anyway. And where the spiral starts going down

Nicole 

Yeah, and some of our best caregivers are our seniors. I mean, they are, and we have Nurses. Still, that contract with us compiles our aids, and I’m not going to tell you how old she is in case she listens because, one, I got it messed up one time and I was in big trouble. And two, because I’m not. But she’s above 70. And she will not retire. I mean, she’s still… she just keeps rolling and she keeps working. But she said she’s not ready for that. She’s got a good home life and a good husband, but she’s just not ready to sit still yet. She does not want to be idle.

Brian 

Oh yeah, and I work with a senior assisted living place down the road from me. I go. They’re not providing; they’d like to have some spiritual service. This is because it’s an interfaith, and they like that.

So, I do that, and then I also sit there and talk with them. And I say, well, what is it that you like to do with your life? Well, I like to go ahead and be active. I like to go to the store, or even go on to Walmart, or even go to the $0.99 store. I know this stuff is crappy, but I just like to go ahead and look at it. It’s fun to pick up the little doodads. And do things that just they, they just want to go out and experience life, live life.

And it’s amazing what you can do when you’re in that bubble. That four-wall bubble in your apartment or home—it’s hard to see anything other than this is just dark and dreary. But if you can find some way to get out of that, come outside of your bubble, even for 20 minutes, to smell the fresh air and look around. It’s amazing what you can do with a new perspective that you have mentally and how you can look at things a little differently. 

It’s like when we have a lot of problems. If you’re in trouble all the time, it looks like this is Mount Everest. I’m never going to get over this problem. You should get out and step outside of that bubble, and then you look back in, and they come back in. The problem is still there, but no, it’s no longer Mount Everest. It’s a small mountain, but now I know I can climb over it and go again and be successful.

Nicole 

So, what would your biggest piece be? Advice be I. I know you see the struggles a lot. Probably a lot more than anything else. So, for our seniors, or I guess our listeners in general, because even caregivers or anyone else that might find this interesting, you know they struggle with those kinds of things too, like staying home, trying to take care of mom and dad, trying to juggle the kids and work, and trying to do everything. They struggle too.

So, what would your advice be? Where do you start? Where do you reach out? Don’t just hold on to it. Don’t just sit in your apartment alone, but for people who do live alone and don’t live in a community, where do they start?

Brian 

Well, where they can start, almost every community has a Senior Center. They do have a Senior center, and if you don’t have a car or whatever, they do have transportation where they will take you, and they feed everybody. You can have a nice lunch or breakfast, or sometimes a light dinner. You can sit there and watch them play bingo. They have all kinds of different things going on. They have a lot of senior centers that will go ahead and have a day outing. And they take you to Walmart, and they take you to say, maybe.” I always want to say Meiger at least out here it would be. What is the name of it? What’s that? Well, that’s another store that everybody knows about. 

Nicole 

We have, like, Meijer in here. Walmart, you know, those different places like that, Dollar Generals taking over everything.

Brian 

You know, there you go. But I mean, it’s something like this where they get to go out and be like part of everybody; they see all the other people, all different ages, and then one lady that I was with over just went to Walmart to buy a blouse. She said it was one of the most wonderful days she’d had in a long time. She was out with people, and she had a mobility issue, she couldn’t walk that far. But someone’s right there with her. She had her cane, and she’s able to look, she says. Oh, and I mean, she looked at maybe 5 or 6 racks of different blouses, but she said, oh, look at this ocean of wonderful material. She’s out there, smelling, sniffing, and touching all this beautiful color. Look at this; that meant the world to her. And when she got tired, that was it.

When she said that, it made her whole day. That gives her a positive perspective, and if you are, and I understand, balance is difficult when you’ve got a family, a job, and kids. I mean, when is there time for you? There’s no time for you.

And so, it’s like, well, but I’ve got to get a hold of Mom and Dad. What you need to do, especially, is just pick up the phone and call. Just let them know. Hey, how are you doing? And hey, can I tell you how my day is good, bad, or ugly? They want to be there. 

That makes them feel like they’re part of your life like they’re part of everything that’s going on, and that they mean something and have that purpose. And again, that’s that identity that all of us go through. And I mean, these are just small little steps that you can make, and then it starts opening up doors and doing certain things.

You’ve got like I said, the support groups. There are a lot of support groups out there for the agents that they can get together, and they will even go and pick them up and take them to these groups. And again, they meet other people, make friends with other people who are having the same issues and concerns, and then they talk about their past or their loved ones who have passed away. 

Oh yes, this is wonderful, and some of them believe it or not. There were some younger ones. I think there was a young facilitator, at least out here, who was put in one of these support groups together, and she was having a terrible time. It was amazing. They brought all the seniors there to help each other. All the seniors were helping them get over whatever loss they had, and that helped them so much. It’s almost like a counseling session for the seniors. Which is I mean, that shows the intelligence that they do have.

Nicole 

Yeah, absolutely. And it and its community are very important; it is. So basically, just don’t sit alone. Reach out to someone and find a way to be connected. And if it gets deeper than that, if it’s beyond a place where you can talk yourself into going out of your apartment, you know, you’ve seen some dark stuff, and we hate to touch on that, but where you’re just having some. At that point, you need to have really bad thoughts. Seek help from a professional.

Brian 

That is something you should look into. Seek some additional help if something is getting to a certain point. I mean, like depression, maybe you’re trying to get over the morning of somebody. You have a trauma that’s gone on, and you’re trying to work through it. 

I mean, trauma is always going to stay there. But the more you deal with it and the more you talk about it, the easier it is to kind of get through it and work through it. And it makes everyday life easy. But if you’re doing something and grieving or the trauma or the issue is getting in the way of your everyday routine, that’s telling you that there’s something there and you need to reach out and seek some actual attention, get some counseling, get some support, and get someone there to go and help you. 

There are a lot of organizations, especially for seniors. And each city in each state that they are in is sitting there. I would imagine Medicare and Medicaid would help cover that in the case of an actual mental issue like that. If they needed that kind of help.

Nicole 

Yeah, absolutely. And there are different senior support centers that you can call, like local government numbers that they can link you up with, or Google if you can get on your phone to find those out. But reaching out; you know you’re talking, and, like you said, it’s not interfering with your daily life.

So, you don’t feel like getting out of bed, you’re not feeling like showering like you normally do. You don’t want to answer the phone when it rings. You don’t want to answer the door for people you’re not. Eating like we’re talking big, major life things like that is very concerning, and you need to seek help immediately.

Brian 

And that’s something you need to do. Can I tell a brief little story about something?

Nicole 

Yeah, please. We’ve got plenty of time. Go ahead. 

Brian 

There is an elderly lady. She was 83, and she and her husband did all kinds of things. He was a teacher and all that, and they have four kids. Of course, the kids grew up and moved back east all over the place. And they don’t really, we’re talking about balance with kids. It’s hard to spend time with Mom and Dad because maybe not even seen them for like a couple of years. But they call now and then and maybe send a Christmas card. And that’s OK. They do the best they can, I suppose. Then the husband passed away.

And so, she’s basically by herself. And so, a lot of her friends on the street are sitting there saying, oh, well, what are you going to do now with your life? You’re going to just kind of sit here and just kind of rock it away, or what? What’s going to go on? We have nothing that we are doing. 

And so, what? A lady says Well, what is it that you’d like? Well, always want. What to do? She says, I’ve always wanted to be a counselor, and this says, well, one lady said, well, that, that that ship has sailed. I mean here. You’re already in. We’re in our 80s. I mean, how’s that going to happen? She says, Well, I want to try to do something.

And so, she reached out to one of the Deans and said, Well, I’d like to go ahead and come in and do it.” Something and said, well, I have a concern because most of the student body is younger than you. Nothing against you I mean, you’re listening to Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney. They’re listening to Tupac and we’ve got a major difference here. And said, Well, maybe. Yeah, maybe we’ll go ahead and consider doing something. Maybe we’ll give you one semester and see how well it works.

But if it starts causing problems with the student body, we have no choice but to go ahead and dismiss you. And you’d have. You’d have to get off campus, and we just have to kind of cancel it. So that all that stuff goes on. 

So, what was interesting is that it was one of the best times they ever had because a lot of the students were from out of state. They’re young; they get homesick, and so she reminded them of mom and grandma, which gave them a little more of a foundation right there, and how she helped them, they helped her. To make a long story short, she graduated with honors. And she is working at one of the major psychiatric clinics here part-time.

Nicole 

Still today? 

Brian 

Still today some of the nothing against people who have their Ph. D.s or MBAs. Please don’t get mad at me. But a lot of them are asking her questions. 

Nicole 

I love that.

Brian 

She knows how to do certain things, but she is very worldly. She has what a lot of colleges and universities don’t teach, and that is the Book of Life. 

Nicole 

Yeah, I love it. Yeah. 

Brian 

And the best part of this whole thing is that now her kids want to talk to her. And now she says: Sweetheart, I don’t have time to go ahead and visit with you. I’ve got to go to work. I’m busy. And the student body loves her so much that it almost sounds like a TV commercial. They took her to Disneyland, and they all got together, and she said, I have all my children here. She’s having a blast now.

Nicole 

I love it. Well, that makes a couple of good points. Honestly, I love that story, but it makes a couple of good points. One is that it’s never too late to keep learning. And two, the generational effects that you can have like. The benefits that that woman probably had on those kids and those students and the benefits they had on her, I love it when we see the youth go in and volunteer in nursing homes. stuff, like you know even on a trip to Walmart, I hate taking my 5-year-old there.

if I’m Being honest with you, I love the way she interacts because she has no self-control and she has to say hi and you have to acknowledge her. I don’t care if you’re 20 or 80; she’s going to track you down and make you pay attention to her. But older people and those who see her love her. Like you said, that’s an outing for them. It’s really neat to see that happen, so I love it. That story. 

Brian 

Oh yeah. I mean, there are a lot of situations like that, and I agree with you. It doesn’t matter how young or old you are; it just depends on your motivation. What you have and if there’s something that you still want to do that was on your bucket list before, you can’t do it anymore go out and do it. 

I mean, work through it. Don’t just go on a whim; you know, take risks, and you have to look at the good, the bad, and the ugly. But what happened is that if I do this, my life is too short. Go out there and live every breath. Every minute that you can. And grab life by, you know, what, and just do whatever you can to enjoy it.

And that’s what it is. And it doesn’t matter how old you are, and I understand that it’s difficult when you’re by yourself when there’s no one else to help motivate you and whatnot. But there are a lot of other people out there who are looking for the same thing: if they can connect with you and become friends, imagine together what you would do. 

I always tell my grandmother when she and she was postponed. One of her people said, well, you always tell me when she’s going on there, as she says with me and the girls. Are you going to go out to dinners, and how many? 

She said Four or five, I said, Oh Lord, I’m going to have to say some extra prayers for all the other people, all you older women, to get in the car and go somewhere, and she thought that was the most hilarious thing in the world. But that’s the part that I like: being able to go out there and be self-sufficient, go out there and enjoy life, embrace life—that’s a lot.

Nicole 

Yeah, and I think that’s a great message for anyone who’s listening at any age. I mean, life is too short, and we never know, you know, especially in your line of work. We’re not promised. Tomorrow, you’ll see. That is daily.

So, it’s really good advice to just go over what we’ve talked about because I’ve discussed a lot of things. So, you know, starting, we talked about physical health as the foundation of that and how it’s good to start being proactive. Join a YMCA or a gym if you can work out with other people in walking clubs. 

If you start to decline and you’re having trouble doing that, maybe look into some physical therapy at home, some outpatient, and some more let’s say guided exercises to strengthen you and then, you know, once you feel better, that’s going to help your mental health overall. But if you’re still struggling, there are resources out there that you can reach out to at senior centers if you just need some connection and you just feel a little lonely.

Or, you know, even more so, pastors, psychologists, therapists, and your family doctor can tell you where to start. All home care agencies Get someone in there; you can talk to a lot of home care agencies. Medical social workers too. 

So basically, the takeaway for me today from this is the importance of your overall health and how they all play into each other. Getting enough sleep. Physical, mental, and emotional Just keeping yourself healthy all around, and we kind of concluded that you do need community and other people around you to help you do that.

Brian 

Yeah, and that’s that. That’s a very, very big thing, and the whole idea is that all of us need self-care. All of us need to, and I say this religiously at least once a week, a lot of us need to go ahead and take that hour or two and do something that is for us, whether it’s gardening, working out, or doing yoga, if we’re able and being capable of hiking, doing that, doing puzzles, doing something to feel good, or just going to bed sometimes for me to go ahead and deal with some of the trauma that I see in music is everything for me.

So, what I’ll do is go ahead and put on headphones, crank up the tunes, and tell my wife. OK, I’m just going to be here for 20 minutes. Two hours later, I woke up and I felt so refreshed from the waterfall; she knows to just kind of leave me alone based on what goes on because there are critical issues out there that you put up with sometimes, and it’s the best way for you to find a way to decompress. That way, you can be a little more resilient, and the problems, as I said, are always going to be there. That’s life. Life could be a four-letter word. That’s just what life is. 

But then you can deal with it. It’s better if you can have a better perspective and are not in mental exhaustion because of all the stress and anxiety that go with it. And if you are with a partner, but you just don’t want to be with me, you want to always take time out. No, I love you dearly, sweetheart, but maybe you should try it because it will also help our relationship.  So, we can go ahead and deal with each other and not be so irritable and take it out on each other, which we saw as blunt during COVID. I mean, the domestic use of violence went up by 68% during COVID.

Nicole 

Yeah. And the fear lingers from that. Still, we face some of that today, but I hope I agree with you 100% on music. I mean, if I were a doctor, I would prescribe that because that is one of my ways to decompress. But it is all about finding your peace, finding where you can kind of get away from yourself in the world for a little bit, and saying you can’t pour from an empty cup. And that’s a hard lesson to learn. Some of us still have to learn that. I’m working through that, but you can’t. You do have to take care of yourself first.

Brian 

Well, coping mechanisms are something that we kind of look back on. Oh, I’ll blame my mom and dad because they never taught me how to cope with maintenance, but they don’t have that. The only way you learn coping mechanisms is through the experiences of life and how to deal with them.

Nicole 

Right. They’re personal, yeah.

Brian 

And it’s not. I always say it’s not the event that happens to us. It’s how we deal with it. And I mean, we’d all improvise the depth and overcome, and a lot of us will go ahead and deal with something. I’ll deal with it as much as I can, and I’ll throw the rest of it in and I will deal with it later box. And we keep doing that. Keep doing that. But I don’t know about you here. We’re already toward the end of July. And I mean, of the years the last 5–6 months of the year are coming, and that’s it. So, when do we have time? When do I give you time to deal with it? 

So, in that box, it’s like this: It’s pulsating. You do it again, and printing the box breaks open everything we thought we had dealt with days, weeks, or months before, as well as the current issue. That’s why you hear people say, I’m done. I’m over with. Which I can’t deal with anymore.

Nicole 

Because your box is full.

Brian 

Yeah, because they don’t… There’s too much to do. So, we’ve got to kind of stop running. I don’t… I call them our demons… and they start running from demons and turning around behind us where we don’t. Don’t worry about it; sort of face what’s in front of us that way. Life is a lot easier for all of us if we can deal with it. One day, one step at a time, but it’s difficult when you’re not out there, like a lot of our seniors, who don’t have a chance to Have that freedom to have the car just to go in it and go down to get ice cream or something, or coffee, and where do you feel better? They’re kind of feeling like they’re stuck and like no one cares about them. Don’t talk, OK? Here, I did all my shopping for you. OK. OK, grandma, here you go. Here, go back to your home, and I’ll see you next month. You need to do this.

Nicole 

I’ve done the minimum. I’m ready to go, and you’re on your way.

Brian 

Yeah, and now? Yeah, that way they feel good, but they forget these individuals have feelings. What do they do? If anything, give them the tools and direction on how to go and get out there with people. I love her more than anything else for all these seniors to be able to go and tell their kids, well, I don’t have time for you, and I’m just too busy with everything. I mean, to me, how do people get my feelings hurt? Don’t get your feelings hurt, we’re all going to get to that age one day soon. But I think it’s wonderful that they’re able to find their purpose, get their identity, and get that direction so they can enjoy the great times of life, which is supposed to be the prime of their lives. The golden years aren’t always so golden.

Nicole 

Yeah, absolutely. Well, does anybody have any questions for Brian? Does anybody have anything to say, any questions for him, or anything you want to say? Well, Brian, I think that’s good unless you’ve got anything. Want to add?

Brian 

Well, I don’t think I just want to say that we don’t need to forget about anybody, no matter what age, and if someone looks like they’re having a bad day, just go up and ask them, how are you doing? OK, take those 5 seconds to set up. We’re very busy today and realize that you’re saying, well, what is that going to do? Well, it’s amazing. One of the magazines did a test, and they went ahead and did this several years ago, and they called it the George Bailey test.

And what they did was take 15 people under the age of 45 and backed them up and had them fill out applications, so everybody knew everything about their lives from the time they were born to where they are right now. But what they did then was back them up to the very beginning of their birth and pretend that they were never born. Starting from that whole idea, the whole purpose was that they didn’t know what information they were going to find, but the whole purpose was how many people one person would affect in 45 years. They didn’t know what information they were going to find, but they had a treasure trove of all kinds of things that they were still studying, and they found out that one person in 45 years would affect over 10,000 people. That’s a lot. Handle people that can’t be handled. Yes, it is, because if you walk by and see someone depressed, you say you’re doing OK. That, and you just walk by. You’re not thinking you’re doing anything.

But that makes that person feel like someone cares about me. I have a purpose, and now they’re going to pick up the phone and call someone else that they wanted to call to pick up, but they were too depressed to do it. And then, does that mean it’s just like a domino effect that keeps going on over and over again, and it doesn’t take that much time for us to go out there and reach out and care for somebody else? One day we could be that person sitting there depressed, wishing someone would care about us, and that’s all that we’d ever want. 

And one more little story, if I can say so. Yeah, please. We have a supermarket out here, and Winco is the name of it. I remember walking out of Winco and during work, and there’s an elderly lady that’s kind of sitting there by one of the little pillars that hold the feeling like she’s kind of over like this and she’s breathing heavy, you know, like this. And I’m watching her. No one’s stopping. No one’s stopping to see if she’s OK. So, I’m going to my car. And of course, in my vehicle, I’ve got… Because I’m a medic in the field, I’ve got everything you could ask for, back there.  

And so, I thought, well, I’m going to go over and ask. I didn’t see the store manager. So, I run over to her, and, uh, she’s bending over. She’s breathing heavily. And I said it is. Is there a problem? Can I get you some oxygen? I brought oxygen back to my vehicle, and he said No, I’m just having a problem. I have bad COPD, and I was walking down the detergent and air freshener island. It was overwhelming, and I couldn’t catch my breath. And I didn’t know what to do. And so, she’s down like this.

So, we’re talking maybe 5 minutes, and she goes from this position up to this position, no longer coughing, and she’s laughing and carrying on. And she said, Thank you so much. Here comes the store manager. After everything else is done. But it didn’t. It went down on me that it doesn’t make me a wonderful person. Who? Look at me, but I sat there and helped her feel like she wasn’t alone. She wasn’t suffering. She wasn’t so afraid that no one cared about her. She felt like a human being, and as a human being, that’s all in. It is whatever you want. To have that purpose of being treated like someone cares about who I am and why I’m on this planet, it doesn’t matter how old we are. That’s something that we need to do, and we keep getting away from that, and that’s why I love the training I do and all the other things because this is something that we need to start uplifting and supporting each other as opposed to, oh, I just don’t have. Someone else will deal with it later. And run away, but no one else is going, because one day we’re going to be that person wishing we had somebody to give us at least 5 minutes of life to treat us like human beings.

Nicole 

Yeah, everyone waits on someone else, and someone else is waiting on everyone else. I mean, it’s just one of those things that it’s not hard to put into your daily practice. My kids and I do challenges where we see how. Many people complement each other. Or saying thank you to a vet. If I ever Pass the vet. With the hat on, and I know that it’s automatic. I don’t even think it through, but it makes sense. 

A whole lot of difference in their world. I know there have been people who have been placed in my path for specific reasons and who have done just what you did for that woman. And so, I can only hope that I can be that and that it’s like a spider web. It’s like when you touch one person, they touch one person. It just filters out and not and knowing you’re not alone, I think so. The probably biggest key for everyone is that no one wants to feel like they’re going through any of the things that they’re going through alone, isolated, or, you know, and when there are resources out there, it may be hard to take that first step. But I promise it’s worth it.

Brian 

Yep, I agree with you 100%.

Nicole 

Yeah. Well, Brian, I appreciate it. I think this is very valuable information and a very valuable resource. We’ll put in what we can in the link from the podcast when it releases, but I appreciate your time today, and I appreciate everyone listening.

Brian 

Well, I appreciate you, and I think this is a wonderful way to try to give some information to people that don’t. It’s not that there aren’t enough resources; it’s just that some people just don’t know what they are.

Nicole 

You don’t know where to start, and you get really overwhelmed with the process, so yes, I look forward to having you on again in the future. I know we have some other topics we want to get more specific about. With seniors and the depression area, I look forward to speaking with you again soon, Sir. Yeah, our crowd loved you. So, thank you very much.

Brian 

Many thanks, guys. Take care of yourself.

Nicole 

A good day.

Brian 

Yeah. Bye-bye.