Supporting a friend with a terminal illness can be incredibly challenging, but your presence and kindness can make a huge difference. Here, we provide some practical steps and considerations to help you be the best friend you can be during such a difficult time.
Understand Their Needs
Take the time to understand your friend’s specific needs and preferences. Everyone’s experience with illness is unique, and it’s crucial to offer support that aligns with what they truly need.
Some days might be tougher than others for your friend. They may feel energetic one day and completely drained the next. Flexibility and patience are key. Ask gentle questions to gauge how they’re feeling and adjust your support accordingly.
In addition, understanding their medical condition and treatment can be beneficial. This doesn’t mean you need to become an expert but having a general knowledge helps you empathize better and offer more targeted support. Read up on their illness and its usual symptoms.
Communicate openly with your friend. Encourage them to share what they need, whether it’s physical help or emotional support. Creating an environment where they feel safe discussing their wants without reservation is essential in understanding how best to support them.
Offer Practical Help
Practical assistance can be invaluable. This might include helping with daily chores, driving them to medical appointments, or running errands. Specific offers can be more helpful than general ones.
It’s always helpful to offer specific tasks rather than a generic ‘let me know if you need anything.’ For example, say, ‘Can I come over on Saturday and help you clean the house?’ or ‘I’ll pick up groceries for you this week.’ This makes it easier for your friend to accept help without feeling like a burden.
Some friends may be too proud or too worried about imposing on others to ask for help outright. In such cases, anticipate their needs. Notice what tasks seem overwhelming for them and offer assistance proactively. For instance, if you see their lawn needs mowing, take care of it without waiting for them to mention it.
Remember to involve other mutual friends or family members in a support network. It can be helpful to coordinate among a group to ensure that your friend gets continuous practical help without feeling overwhelmed by one person’s presence all the time.
Be a Good Listener
Listening is one of the most supportive actions you can offer. Allow your friend to share their feelings and thoughts without judgment. Sometimes, being there to listen can provide great comfort.
When your friend talks, listen without interrupting or offering solutions unless they ask for advice. This can be tough, as it’s natural to want to fix things. However, simply nodding and saying ‘I’m here for you’ can mean the world during difficult conversations.
Active listening involves more than just hearing words; it means paying attention to non-verbal cues as well. Facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice can offer valuable insights into how your friend is truly feeling.
Remember to validate their feelings. Phrases like ‘It’s okay to feel this way,’ or ‘I understand why you’re upset,’ can help them feel heard and understood. Avoid minimizing their feelings or shifting the focus to your own experiences unless it’s relevant to provide empathy.
Respect Their Wishes
Respecting your friend’s wishes and boundaries is crucial. This includes understanding when they need space and when they want company. Follow their lead in terms of discussion topics and emotional support.
It’s essential to ask your friend how you can best support them and to honor their response, even if it differs from what you think they need. They might want to talk about their illness or perhaps prefer to discuss anything but. Let them take the lead.
Respecting their privacy is equally important. They may not always be willing to share every detail of their medical journey, and that’s okay. Let them know that you’re there whenever they’re ready to talk, without pressing for information.
Your friend may have days when they need solitude to process their feelings or rest. Don’t take it personally. Instead, reassure them that you’ll be there when they’re ready for company again. Offering a simple text or call saying ‘thinking of you’ can bridge the gap without invading their space.
Be Consistent and Reliable
Consistency is key. Regular check-ins and reliable support show your friend that you’re committed to being there for them. This ongoing support can help them feel less isolated.
Try to establish a routine for your interactions. Whether it’s a weekly visit or a daily text, consistency helps your friend know they can depend on you. This can be a source of great comfort as they navigate their illness.
Sometimes your friend may not feel up to talking or hanging out, and that’s perfectly fine. Continue to reach out in a low-pressure way, offering a steady presence without overwhelming them. Understanding and respecting those boundaries while staying reliable can strengthen your support.
Encourage and Share Positive Moments
While it’s important to acknowledge the seriousness of their condition, don’t forget to share and encourage positive moments. Laughter and joy can be powerful, even in difficult times.
Plan small, enjoyable activities that can bring a smile to your friend’s face. Whether it’s watching a favorite movie, sitting in a park, or enjoying a cup of their favorite tea, these moments of normalcy and happiness can be incredibly uplifting.
Celebrating small victories, like a good day or a positive doctor’s visit, can boost their spirits. Mark these moments with an encouraging message or a small gift. Recognizing their strengths and resilience can provide hope and happiness amid the struggle.
Don’t be afraid to laugh and engage in light-hearted, fun conversations. Humor can be a great healer and a lovely way to connect. Sharing cherished memories and funny stories can create a joyful atmosphere, making your friend feel loved and cherished.
Final Thoughts
Being a friend in need to someone with a terminal illness is about offering unwavering support, empathy, and love. By staying present, listening, and respecting their wishes, you can provide immense comfort and companionship. Remember that your efforts, no matter how small, are deeply valued.